anyakwan

Mommyhood, Adoption, Adventures, Travel, Fashion

What is it like? Will I like her? Will she like me?

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Thank goodness for Internet. Really, twenty or even ten years ago people went blindly into this amazing, crazy, unpredictable journey, adoption. Today, I believe I already know more about it from all the sources available on the Internet than most people did a decade ago. And yet, there is so much of the unknown.

I always pictured adoption like this: I walk in this orphanage, look around, and THAT SPECIAL ONE catches my eye and boom! I am in love. The reality is, you get “matched”. Based on the best way you can describe to the social worker of what exactly you are looking for in a child…It makes me terrified…I imagine over and over again this day when we get that very special phone call, to tell us they found a “match”, and then they send an email with a picture and description…

It sounds so awful. I mean, what if?…There’s a million “what ifs” that come to my mind. You always have an option of “refusing” the match and wait for another one, but how could you?? But I have a feeling…the stars and the planets will line up just the right way for that special day. For that first time we get to see that picture.

I know they will.

Author: anyakwan

Hi everyone! We are a family of five(One lady, One man,and three boys)desperately trying to offset the enormous amount of testosterone in our home with some pinkness, tutus, and headbands with flowers. By the way, even our dog is a boy. We, Gordon and Anya, (Gordon, a full-time Firefighter and both professional ballroom dancers) met in 2006 at a dance competition in Columbus, OH, fell in love, and were married two months later :) With a shared love to dancing, traveling and a desire to build a family, we found ourselves pregnant with a little girl... only to lose her after a grueling 5 day battle of top doctors and specialists at Fairview hospital, at 23 week gestational age... We tried for a year after that tragic day to find out why we had lost our baby girl and to get pregnant again . After multiple tests and exams, Anya was diagnosed with having an "Incompetent Cervix", a condition where, as soon as a fetus starts gaining weight, the cervix is no longer able to stay closed, and the baby just slips out...knowing the condition only added additional stress to our hopes of having a healthy full term baby, and after trying for over a year we gave up and let go. As fate usually works, we went on a cruise, partied like there was no tomorrow...and came back pregnant!!! Anya had to have a preventative cerclage put in and be on the bed rest for majority of the pregnancy, but in the end we got our beautiful, healthy, almost full term, Connor. Two years later we found ourselves expecting again, the pregnancy was yet again very difficult, but all went as well as it possibly could have, and we had another boy, our Maddox. In November of 2012 Anya was diagnosed with cervical cancer. After her first surgery failed to bring satisfying results, we opted to have a second, more invasive surgery, leaving Anya with a very little cervix remaining. Trying one last time for that "baby girl", we got pregnant again in September of 2013. Not knowing what to expect, we had to take it very easy (as easy as anyone could with two boys under 5 running around), and delivered yet another baby boy at 35 weeks, Jagger Aramis (the third musketeer). Our boys are the world to us, we laugh all the time, we play silly games, travel, dream, do all the things parents of three healthy children should. .....and yet, Anya's Pinterest is full of baby girl nurseries... We have always been open to the idea of adoption, believing that there are so many children out there that would love to be part of a real live family. We didn't even need to have a "serious" conversation to make our decision. It is kind of just the right time and the right place. We have started our journey with Family Adoption Consultants in an attempt to fulfill our dreams and hopes to adopt a little girl from China :) With Gordon being half Chinese and actively involved in the Asian community in Cleveland, having a Chinese daughter simply makes a lot of sense for our family. While we are able to afford to care for all of our family including one more child, we do not have the $35,000 in additional savings to pay for all the expenses our adoption will require. We do not want to deplete our savings as we are adopting a child with special needs that will require our resources to be available upon her arrival into our family. Here is where we are asking for your help. We will appreciate any help and/or donations from anyone who has read our story and is willing to help us complete our family by adding a little girl who will benefit from the love and caring we want to give. Thank you all in advance! http://www.gofundme.com/agirlforthekwans Update: we are waiting for our youngest boy to turn 1 so that we can continue with the adoption process...such are the rules :(

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