anyakwan

Mommyhood, Adoption, Adventures, Travel, Fashion

Be careful what you wish for…

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…cause you just might get it all.

Gordon and I always “knew” we would adopt. We never discussed it much, we just knew. But that was pretty much all we knew. The rest, who, when, how, we didn’t know. Until now. To be more precise, until exactly one week ago, October 7 of 2014. And again, we didn’t talk about it, we just said, now is the time.

I called one of our good friends who had adopted a girl from South Korea 21 years ago and asked which agency she had used. That agency is still around! Immediately after talking to her I called Family Adoption Consultants and here it began…

I will keep this blog going until we bring that little girl home, and maybe after, we shall see.

But for now, I am just in awe from the “knowledge” of adopting one day. “Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all” is all I can think of. I am in the very beginning of trying to absorb what is about to come, but already we have received an amazing amount of support from near and far. Wecropped-06-18-62.jpg are so very grateful for everyone who has supported us, donated, or just said words of encouragement and sent positive vibes our way! Thank you thank you thank you!

For now, here are a few answers to the questions people might have to us:

– Why adopt?

We lost a little girl in 2006 at 23 weeks gestational age, after which I was diagnosed with a condition called “incompetent cervix”. When a fetus starts gaining weight around 18-24 weeks, and cervix isn’t strong enough to stay put, so the baby just slips out…With a magical medical procedure called “cerclage”, we were able to have three healthy boys, but pregnancies were far from perfect, including multiple hospital visits and bed rests. In between, I went through cervical cancer and two pretty invasive surgeries to remove cancerous cells along with a quite large portion of my “incompetent” cervix (sounds ridiculous I know :)) Trying for a girl now means taking on a huge risk again, but also gambling on a possibility of having yet another boy. So adoption just seems like a very normal and healthy choice for us.

– Why China?

I am a lawful citizen of Russian Federation, so I could potentially go to Russia and adopt one of thousand of orphans over there (at no cost to me). I am also a lawful citizen of the United States of America. As we all know, Russia has put a ban on Americans being able to adopt from their country (the most absurd and unfair ban), so even if I were able to adopt as a Russian citizen, I would not be able to bring that child to the US.

With Gordon being half Chinese, we didn’t have to think much, but turn to China to look for our daughter. After reading about Chinese orphanages statistics and watching multiple documentaries, there was no question but adopt from China.

– Why now?

China, along with other countries, has very strict policies about adoptive parents’ age. WIth one of us getting to the cut off age next year, this is our only chance to proceed with an adoption, otherwise it will be too late.

– Why special needs?

Just a decade ago, Chinese orphanages were stuffed with healthy little girls, due to their “one child law” allowance. Today, 98% of orphans have special needs, and there are just as many boys as girls. To adopt a healthy child, there’s a wait of 7+ years, something we cannot afford to do. (I am very puzzled as far as what happens to the healthy infants who are being abandoned at birth now…Human trafficking? Possibly. I am yet to do more research about that.)

Special needs child may have anything from webbed fingers to a Down Syndrome. Here is a great source if anyone want to know more about possible conditions orphans might have. Gordon and I are being very realistic as far as what we are able to deal with, we will be checking off conditions we can handle on a separate document that will be part of our dossier sent to China.

– What kind of help is needed?

With close to a million orphans in China, adoption has become a sport for the wealthy, costing about $35,000 from the beginning to the end, making it almost impossible for regular folks to adopt. I can only imagine how many people Google “how much does international adoption cost?” and, after seeing those numbers, get scared away and lock up that thought far away in their hearts.

While we are able to take care of another child on a daily basis, we do not have $35K hidden under the mattress. Yes, we could take a loan, a line of credit, sell our house (then we would be bums), but all that would put a tremendous strain on our lives after we get that little girl, since we are going to face multiple medical bills as well.

So, after doing some research about what others do/did in our situation, we’ve decided to ask for help and set up a crowdfunding account here. We are also working on putting together fundraisers, raffles and special events to help offset the costs.

We are very open to any suggestions and ideas to help us collect necessary funds. We have already begun a beautiful Silpada Fundraiser with a generous offer from our friend and hoping to start many more soon! As they say in Russia, “threads from around the world, a naked one gets a shirt”.

Thank you all for reading 🙂

Author: anyakwan

Hi everyone! We are a family of five(One lady, One man,and three boys)desperately trying to offset the enormous amount of testosterone in our home with some pinkness, tutus, and headbands with flowers. By the way, even our dog is a boy. We, Gordon and Anya, (Gordon, a full-time Firefighter and both professional ballroom dancers) met in 2006 at a dance competition in Columbus, OH, fell in love, and were married two months later :) With a shared love to dancing, traveling and a desire to build a family, we found ourselves pregnant with a little girl... only to lose her after a grueling 5 day battle of top doctors and specialists at Fairview hospital, at 23 week gestational age... We tried for a year after that tragic day to find out why we had lost our baby girl and to get pregnant again . After multiple tests and exams, Anya was diagnosed with having an "Incompetent Cervix", a condition where, as soon as a fetus starts gaining weight, the cervix is no longer able to stay closed, and the baby just slips out...knowing the condition only added additional stress to our hopes of having a healthy full term baby, and after trying for over a year we gave up and let go. As fate usually works, we went on a cruise, partied like there was no tomorrow...and came back pregnant!!! Anya had to have a preventative cerclage put in and be on the bed rest for majority of the pregnancy, but in the end we got our beautiful, healthy, almost full term, Connor. Two years later we found ourselves expecting again, the pregnancy was yet again very difficult, but all went as well as it possibly could have, and we had another boy, our Maddox. In November of 2012 Anya was diagnosed with cervical cancer. After her first surgery failed to bring satisfying results, we opted to have a second, more invasive surgery, leaving Anya with a very little cervix remaining. Trying one last time for that "baby girl", we got pregnant again in September of 2013. Not knowing what to expect, we had to take it very easy (as easy as anyone could with two boys under 5 running around), and delivered yet another baby boy at 35 weeks, Jagger Aramis (the third musketeer). Our boys are the world to us, we laugh all the time, we play silly games, travel, dream, do all the things parents of three healthy children should. .....and yet, Anya's Pinterest is full of baby girl nurseries... We have always been open to the idea of adoption, believing that there are so many children out there that would love to be part of a real live family. We didn't even need to have a "serious" conversation to make our decision. It is kind of just the right time and the right place. We have started our journey with Family Adoption Consultants in an attempt to fulfill our dreams and hopes to adopt a little girl from China :) With Gordon being half Chinese and actively involved in the Asian community in Cleveland, having a Chinese daughter simply makes a lot of sense for our family. While we are able to afford to care for all of our family including one more child, we do not have the $35,000 in additional savings to pay for all the expenses our adoption will require. We do not want to deplete our savings as we are adopting a child with special needs that will require our resources to be available upon her arrival into our family. Here is where we are asking for your help. We will appreciate any help and/or donations from anyone who has read our story and is willing to help us complete our family by adding a little girl who will benefit from the love and caring we want to give. Thank you all in advance! http://www.gofundme.com/agirlforthekwans Update: we are waiting for our youngest boy to turn 1 so that we can continue with the adoption process...such are the rules :(

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