On our way to one of the adoption workshops… It’s happening…!!!!
As I was taking my kickboxing/martial arts/conditioning/yoga/strength class today at Body By LoLo, I started to think how much my mind is really on the way of me doing it 100%…How in the world would my muscles know that they can’t do more than 20 sit ups at a time? They don’t. My mind tells them they can’t. My mind reacts to the pain and tells my body to shut down and stop. This is a crazy personal discovery. Sure, I have heard of this before from my yoga gurus, but tonight the light bulb went on and it was a total WOW moment.
so much can happen in just 24 hours…if you just put your mind to it. After having an initial breakdown last night about the enormous amount of paperwork and the level of invasion of privacy that happens during the homestudy (I am getting over that one, I understand why it’s necessary), this morning I got a few phone calls with some pretty exciting offers for fundraisers for us!!!
I cannot wait to share them with everyone, but for now, have to confirm days and times and will post them soon.
Much love to everyone, and please feel free to comment, suggest ideas and share thoughts and experiences on adoption and kids in general 🙂
Thank goodness for Internet. Really, twenty or even ten years ago people went blindly into this amazing, crazy, unpredictable journey, adoption. Today, I believe I already know more about it from all the sources available on the Internet than most people did a decade ago. And yet, there is so much of the unknown.
I always pictured adoption like this: I walk in this orphanage, look around, and THAT SPECIAL ONE catches my eye and boom! I am in love. The reality is, you get “matched”. Based on the best way you can describe to the social worker of what exactly you are looking for in a child…It makes me terrified…I imagine over and over again this day when we get that very special phone call, to tell us they found a “match”, and then they send an email with a picture and description…
It sounds so awful. I mean, what if?…There’s a million “what ifs” that come to my mind. You always have an option of “refusing” the match and wait for another one, but how could you?? But I have a feeling…the stars and the planets will line up just the right way for that special day. For that first time we get to see that picture.
I know they will.
…cause you just might get it all.
Gordon and I always “knew” we would adopt. We never discussed it much, we just knew. But that was pretty much all we knew. The rest, who, when, how, we didn’t know. Until now. To be more precise, until exactly one week ago, October 7 of 2014. And again, we didn’t talk about it, we just said, now is the time.
I called one of our good friends who had adopted a girl from South Korea 21 years ago and asked which agency she had used. That agency is still around! Immediately after talking to her I called Family Adoption Consultants and here it began…
I will keep this blog going until we bring that little girl home, and maybe after, we shall see.
But for now, I am just in awe from the “knowledge” of adopting one day. “Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all” is all I can think of. I am in the very beginning of trying to absorb what is about to come, but already we have received an amazing amount of support from near and far. We are so very grateful for everyone who has supported us, donated, or just said words of encouragement and sent positive vibes our way! Thank you thank you thank you!
For now, here are a few answers to the questions people might have to us:
– Why adopt?
We lost a little girl in 2006 at 23 weeks gestational age, after which I was diagnosed with a condition called “incompetent cervix”. When a fetus starts gaining weight around 18-24 weeks, and cervix isn’t strong enough to stay put, so the baby just slips out…With a magical medical procedure called “cerclage”, we were able to have three healthy boys, but pregnancies were far from perfect, including multiple hospital visits and bed rests. In between, I went through cervical cancer and two pretty invasive surgeries to remove cancerous cells along with a quite large portion of my “incompetent” cervix (sounds ridiculous I know :)) Trying for a girl now means taking on a huge risk again, but also gambling on a possibility of having yet another boy. So adoption just seems like a very normal and healthy choice for us.
– Why China?
I am a lawful citizen of Russian Federation, so I could potentially go to Russia and adopt one of thousand of orphans over there (at no cost to me). I am also a lawful citizen of the United States of America. As we all know, Russia has put a ban on Americans being able to adopt from their country (the most absurd and unfair ban), so even if I were able to adopt as a Russian citizen, I would not be able to bring that child to the US.
With Gordon being half Chinese, we didn’t have to think much, but turn to China to look for our daughter. After reading about Chinese orphanages statistics and watching multiple documentaries, there was no question but adopt from China.
– Why now?
China, along with other countries, has very strict policies about adoptive parents’ age. WIth one of us getting to the cut off age next year, this is our only chance to proceed with an adoption, otherwise it will be too late.
– Why special needs?
Just a decade ago, Chinese orphanages were stuffed with healthy little girls, due to their “one child law” allowance. Today, 98% of orphans have special needs, and there are just as many boys as girls. To adopt a healthy child, there’s a wait of 7+ years, something we cannot afford to do. (I am very puzzled as far as what happens to the healthy infants who are being abandoned at birth now…Human trafficking? Possibly. I am yet to do more research about that.)
Special needs child may have anything from webbed fingers to a Down Syndrome. Here is a great source if anyone want to know more about possible conditions orphans might have. Gordon and I are being very realistic as far as what we are able to deal with, we will be checking off conditions we can handle on a separate document that will be part of our dossier sent to China.
– What kind of help is needed?
With close to a million orphans in China, adoption has become a sport for the wealthy, costing about $35,000 from the beginning to the end, making it almost impossible for regular folks to adopt. I can only imagine how many people Google “how much does international adoption cost?” and, after seeing those numbers, get scared away and lock up that thought far away in their hearts.
While we are able to take care of another child on a daily basis, we do not have $35K hidden under the mattress. Yes, we could take a loan, a line of credit, sell our house (then we would be bums), but all that would put a tremendous strain on our lives after we get that little girl, since we are going to face multiple medical bills as well.
So, after doing some research about what others do/did in our situation, we’ve decided to ask for help and set up a crowdfunding account here. We are also working on putting together fundraisers, raffles and special events to help offset the costs.
We are very open to any suggestions and ideas to help us collect necessary funds. We have already begun a beautiful Silpada Fundraiser with a generous offer from our friend and hoping to start many more soon! As they say in Russia, “threads from around the world, a naked one gets a shirt”.
Thank you all for reading 🙂